


Unwanted

by FirithAriel



Category: Loki - Fandom, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Abortion, Discussion of Abortion, F/M, Implied/Referenced Abortion, POV Second Person, Pregnancy, Tumblr, Tumblr Challenge, Tumblr Prompt, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 08:48:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15554043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FirithAriel/pseuds/FirithAriel
Summary: Loki doesn’t want to have kids. It’s okay, cause you don’t either. But despite all your combined efforts, it happens: you are pregnant..-Submission for cleolemonfanfiction‘sMarvel Men Writing Challengeon Tumblr





	Unwanted

**Author's Note:**

> AUTHOR’S NOTE: I am absolutely PROCHOICE. I believe all women must have the freedom to decide on our own bodies, and that includes motherhood, pregnancy and abortion. This story includes abortion themes and situations. If you’re do not agree with it, please don’t read, and refrain from sending any hate or “pro-life” discourses!

You weren’t sure what to do.

After postponing it for weeks, you finally got a pregnancy test.

The signs had been obvious for days, but you just kept ignoring them. You had gone to great lengths to ensure this didn't happen. _How did it fucking happen then?_

Those red stripes were the work of the devil. You felt dizzy, nauseated… you were going to throw up any minute now. _Just like every morning these past three weeks._

Falling on the couch, you clutched the pregnancy test in your hands. Thankfully, breathing was an automatic body function, otherwise, you’d be dead by now.

You were _not_ going to have this baby. You couldn’t afford it. You didn’t want it. The sole thought being pregnant was shattering you. _This cannot be happening!_

Then it hit you: you didn’t do this alone.

“Oh, no…” You muttered to yourself, as another block of ice seemed to slide down your throat all the way to your lower belly.

How are you going to tell Loki? How will he react?

Loki didn’t want kids either, and you both had been very clear about it. But his reasons differed from yours, and that worried you. Would he support your choice now the creature was here?

What if everything Loki had said about children changed? What if he suddenly didn’t mind that the child would be a half-breed? What if he suddenly decided he could be better at handling such creature than his own parents? (Who did a terrible job, in our opinion)

What if he forced you to keep this- _being_?

What if he left you at finding you don’t want it?

What if, in his mind, you not having his baby meant you didn’t love him?

_What if you don’t tell him at all?_

Well, that’s a thought. You know you can get the procedure done pretty fast, it’s simple and safe. You wouldn’t even have to leave the house for long…

Yes, you _could_ do this without Loki finding out.

Your nerves were still on edge, but at least you had made a choice. And getting everything done without Loki finding out about it required you to snap out of your shock and do it fast. Abandoning the pregnancy test on the table, you grabbed your laptop from your bag. Your hands were shaking as you typed, looking for the nearest place to have _this_ done.

 _Great, a phone number._ And availability this same week.

Trembling hands made you type the number twice wrong, and you started pacing as the call connected. You usually walked half of the house while talking on the phone, this time you were ready to climb the freaking walls!

You were nervous, but luckily, the secretary who picked the call was nice and understanding of your situation. As she gave you the available times in the following days, you roamed the house looking for pen and paper. In your actual state you were sure you wouldn’t be able to remember your own name.

Once the appointment was made, you felt your chest lose a bit of the apprehension. _This is going to be solved, this is going to be okay, is not the end of the world-_

Your aimless walk took you back to the living room, just to see Loki standing in the middle of it, pregnancy test box and results in his hands.

The secretary had just ended the call when the phone hit the ground.

“You’re--” Loki was as speechless as you, it seemed.

Tears welled up in your eyes as you realized Loki had not only seen the test, but also the computer screen, showing the nearest abortion clinic. “I-”

“ _How?_ ” Loki finally managed to choke out of his stupor.

You shook your head. You didn’t want to go through explanations. _You didn’t want any of this_. The silence grew heavier in the room with every minute, only broken by the pounding of your heart, though you were the only one who could hear it.

Your choice was made, you kept repeating in your head. Loki is not going to change what you’ve decided.

You took a deep breath to steel yourself. “I don’t want this.” You said. “I’m getting an abortion.”

Loki dropped the items in his hands. It took him a few seconds to actually realize what you had just said. You held your breath waiting for him to say something, _anything_. Tears were falling freely down your face.

“I need to go.”

That was the last thing Loki said before slamming the door behind him, and you fell on the couch absolutely numb.

.-

You didn’t know how long you spent on the couch, but it was long enough for the night to come. You had stopped crying, but your head was still killing you. You felt hungry, but too sick to eat anything.

_Pregnant women need to eat twice as much! There’s two of you now!_

Why was your mother’s voice reciting old wives’ tales inside your head? Your growled and shook your head violently. Standing up, you realized you were still clutching the paper where you wrote the date and time of your appointment.

One thing was for sure: you hadn’t changed your mind.

Your legs were stiff and it pained you to stand up, but you had to get your phone functioning again. Your heart ached when the device showed no messages or missed calls. You added the appointment to your calendar, and disposed of the paper, and the pregnancy test. You walked around the house aimlessly for a while, knowing you had to go to bed, but not wanting to.

You needed Loki to come back. So you fetched a quilt and sat on the couch again to wait. Wait and stare at your phone.

Next morning you woke up alone on the couch, still wrapped on the quilt. No messages or missed calls on your phone.

.-

Three nights you spent alone in the house. Of course you still had to go to work and pretend nothing was ever wrong. But that pretense broke down everytime you crossed the door and the house was empty.

Your brain was close to frying, but in the devastating chaos, your decision remained the same.

You dragged yourself to your room, to get all the things you needed ready for tomorrow. You didn’t need much: the clinic had already sent you the short list of items, and they would all fit in a small bag.

Then you fell on the bed, exhausted. Your stomach growled angrily at your refusal to eat. Your head projected a nasty image of an angry baby growling for food. It made you even more nauseated. Kicking your shoes off, you rolled on the bed and stared at the wall blankly.

You missed Loki.

You hated that he left before you both had the chance to speak, to figure things out.

You hated that he left without you telling him this wasn’t his fault, that you didn’t blame him.

You hated that your phone had no messages and no missing calls.

You hated that you weren’t strong enough to call him yourself.

After a while, you started dozing off. In that haze, you felt something holding you from behind.

“Loki?” You said sleepily.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered in your ear, hugging you against his chest.

You blinked awake and linked your hands with Loki’s. “Where were you?”

Loki sighed deeply and pulled on your hand to make you face him. “Figuring things out. Believe it or not, my brother was quite useful.”

“Did you tell him?” You asked, concerned. But Loki shook his head.

You buried your face in his neck, and he stroked your back soothingly.

“You’d be a great father, Loki. If you gave yourself the chance…” You suddenly said. “You’re loving, you’re caring, you’re nothing like your father.” You looked up at him, tears hovering in your eyes. “But not with me. I don’t want this.”

“Thing is, love,” he started, cupping your face. “You’d be a great mother too, but it’s your choice not to be one. And I respect that.”

“Why does it sound like there’s a _but_ coming?” You said dejectedly.

“No _buts._ ” Loki stroked your cheek with his thumb. “I don’t need to be a father. I don’t want to. _This_ is enough. _You_ are enough.”

You gulped down, not really sure what to say.

“I didn’t leave because of your choice not to have this pregnancy. I left because you chose not to tell me. However _this_ happened, I was there too.”

“I’m sorry.” You muttered, looking down. “I thought maybe you’d want to keep it. That you’d talk me out of this. Or that you’d leave me.” You ended in a little voice, ashamed that you’d think that of him.

Loki held you close

“I am with you on this, y/n. We are in this together” Loki started. “It hurt that you thought I wouldn’t support you, or even that I would leave you.” He lifted your chin and stared into your eyes. “One of my family’s biggest flaws was never talking about our issues, I don’t want that happening to us.”

“That was Thor’s advice, wasn’t it?” You said with a small smile.

“Indeed it was.”

With Loki’s arms wrapped around your body and his slow heartbeat in your ears, you felt the weight of the universe being lifted from your shoulders. You both enjoyed the calmness that followed, the comfort of each other's arms.

“So, when…?” He asked, a bit unsure.

“Tomorrow.”

Loki nodded. “I’m coming with you. I wanna be with you when you do this.” He leaned in and kissed you softly. “This is not just _your problem_ to deal with.” You wrapped your arms around his waist, pulling him close as he kissed your forehead. “It never was.”

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is always appreciated!  
> You can also yell at me on my [tumblr](http://fadingcoast.tumblr.com/) and/or [twitter](https://twitter.com/FadingCoast)!!


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